Our Voices

This is a snippet what I am sharing a bit about my second book Our Voices. Our Voices is coming out will be self-published locally first in May and later on Amazon.

There have been many times I have not been heard by my family and people I don’t know by. If I can keep it real and let you all know, there is nothing more precious than life. It has not been something where I decided that one day it all became too much for me. It has never happened to me where I would never end my life. I will reach out to get professional help if that ever happens. My family and friends will be the ones I can call on if I ever need them. Our Voices is about giving back to my community. It has helped me to share a lot of my stories with you and I am very proud to write not only my friends with autism but to my readers. Writing this book again has not been easy to write as I have been planning and writing these stories some of you have or have not known. Also, my stories I have not shared that are difficult to share I would love to share in another form another time. I am thankful that my stories are important to you and the many reasons why I want to inspire with my words.

Love at Rhapsody High Preview

Love at Rhapsody High Chapter 1 Sam Johnson was born September 1, 2000 and is an African American. Sam grew up in a neighborhood on the south side of Fort Wayne, Indiana. Sam got him- self through his years in school. They went by like a breeze. Sam had gotten decent grades and maintained a grade-point average of a 3.0. He went into his last year of middle school finishing strong. Other than not being in school, he likes his naptime. His parents want him to work while he begins high school as soon as possible. Sam is now a senior at Rhapsody High School. He has two friends; Mel and Juan who he bonds with. Sam did have a sense of humor but he made his pain his laughter. Mel and Juan were more like brothers and he tells everything to them. Friendship meant a lot to Sam. Sam’s life was far from what the things life throws at him. Juan Gomez is a 17-year-old Latino track runner. People would describe him as macho. He also drives a silver Chevy Impala. Juan Gomez is the type of guy who explains his reasons and that is it. That is what friends are for. While Mel Jones was more of a listener and supported Juan and Sam. Mel Jones was Sam’s other best friend. Mel is 17 also, a photographer and takes random photos of things that excite him. Sam was a likeable guy with a good sense of humor. Sam was the kind of guy who wanted to live well and be on top of the world. He still has a lot to learn. Sam, as a child was a witty guy who got to be the funniest guy in his class. If there was a time that Sam made a joke or comment on something funny, he would say it. One time in fifth grade, Sam dressed up for career day as a space man leader, fighting off the predators in the universe. All of his classmates thought he was a joke. One classmate said Sam’s career day costume was crazy. “Where did you get that ugly costume, your parents’ basement?” one classmate asked. Sam said, “Bet your momma had that same outfit but more of a monster face.” Sam was not letting people off that easy with his jokes. He knew he could get him back with sarcasm. For example, when Sam was in the fifth and sixth grade, he got kicked out of classes for playing around. His teachers did not like his jokes. Sam was the one that kept things going and found humor about everything and everyone he came across. At that point, he was very aware of how much he was a young, smart, funny, compassionate and real person. In the ninth grade, Sam was going to go hang out with his friends in school, meet girls, new teachers and embrace his new environment. Throughout high school, Sam did everything he could to be what he wanted to be. He built confidence and found more funny things to say. Sam’s approach is to work on becoming funnier. He never forgot his life as a jokester. December of 2017 was Sam’s senior year of high school. During this time, he began to work a job as a cleaner at the mall. He had worked second shift from 3pm-9pm at night. Sam worked at any area of the mall, upstairs or downstairs. This was his start on his way to becoming an adult. He wanted to show how much independence he could have and still be himself. On top of that, in his electives in school he took an improv class to help with his jokes. Mr. Miles, his improv teacher liked Sam for his personality. His teacher, Mr. Miles invested time in Sam and really gave him a voice, which Sam learned all on his own. Mr. Miles spoke to Sam about his speech and his jokes, and gave him an assignment to make his own joke. “I just want you to come up with some joke that is funny,” Mr. Miles said. Mr. Miles, wore a blue and white dress shirt, beige pants and brown Stacy Adams shoes wore to the Improv class. Mr. Miles stood about 6’0 and 200 pounds with an amazing smile, and had a bald head. He also wore eye glasses for reading and wearing. “Work on it, like, for a day and then you can think of a good joke,” Mr. Miles said. “I’ll pray for you,” Mr. Miles said. “Dear Heavenly Father, we come to you right now, in the name of Jesus, asking for Sam as he continues with his comedy. Please give him the lessons he needs to conquer his true destiny and wisdom. Dear O’ Father, thank you for this day and opportunity to help Sam make it this far. In Jesus name, Amen.” Sam had homework and improv class was over. After his homework, Sam met up with his friends Mel and Juan. “Hey brother!” yelled Sam. “Hey bro,” said Juan. “What’s shaking?” asked Mel. Sam gave dabs and fist bumps to Juan and Mel. “I have been doing my acting improv for 1 hour. I need to come up with a joke. I got a couple of days to come up with my joke,” said Sam. “I bet bro, it’s not easy for someone to act on something so serious,” explained Juan. “Look guys, it’s just something I have to understand, my emotions and at the same time be myself. I am still funny with jokes, don’t get me wrong,” Sam said with encouragement. “What’s the joke you want to do?” asked Mel. Sam thought of a joke that he made in elementary school that one of the cantaloupes said to the banana. Or the one he was going to tell his teacher Mr. Miles. “What did the tail end of a banana say to the cantaloupe?” “I don’t know, what?” both Juan and Mel asked. “Can I tail ya later?” joked Sam. They all cracked up in laughter. “Or how about this one, why didn’t the sun go to college?” asked Sam. “Maybe the sun was going to get more knowledge of history.” Mel answered. “I know, its because it already had a million degrees!” said Sam. “That’s so funny!” answered Juan. Then Sam finally made an announcement about plans for a road trip next year. Sam wants to go to Chicago and stay at a hotel with his friends. Juan and Mel were down, and couldn’t wait. Next June, they are going. All three guys were working so they could afford their trip. So, they have to work for it. Sam rarely saw his parents when he got off work. One month went by and Sam was eager to finish his last year of high school. He had done very well within his four years of attending. Sam met up with his friends after school in March of 2018. Then Juan and Mel followed Sam home so that Sam can change out of his school clothes. It was a Friday and Sam was off from work that day. Sam went upstairs to pick an outfit for the game that night. “Which outfit and pants should I wear to the game? The black and grey or white and red jogging suit?” asked Sam. Juan helped him decide which Sam went with the white and red jogging suit. “Looking for a casual look I’d say,” said Sam. “Totally, looks cool,” said Mel. But then Sam changed his mind and went to the black and grey outfit and black Converse chucks. Sam’s friends were also going to the game with Sam. Juan and Mel went to their houses and got ready. The game was at 7:30pm and the cheerleaders were performing first. That is where Becky Thomas and Emily Diaz first came into the picture. Becky Thomas was the cheerleading captain and practiced for months for the cheers. Emily was the backup for Becky. Becky Thomas is a 19-year-old high school senior, stands at a height of 5’4. She works at Aeropostale at the local mall. She is Latina who comes from wealthy parents. Becky is popular among her friends and has a few boyfriends. Becky is funny but can have a competitive attitude when it comes to cheerleading. Becky just wants to win the games and be in the finals. Emily Diaz is Becky’s best friend. She is a hard worker and a joyous person. She drives a car, works at Forever 21, was born and raised in Fort Wayne, Indiana, is 19 years old, and she is another Latina cheerleader on the squad. This is their cheer: “Fight, ready, fight! Come on y’all, we’ll show you pride! Tell you we are the best and we are here to stay. So let us win! #1!” Rhapsody High was the name of the school and the school’s mascot which was the dinosaur. The cheerleaders repeat the cheer again, just as Mel, Juan, and Sam made it to the game. The boys sat in the bleachers as the basketball game started. The basketball players at Rhapsody and the away team played a tough game. But Rhapsody won the game. Becky was shown by Emily where Sam was seated on the bleachers. “Look, Becky, there is this guy and his friends over there,” said Emily. “I’ve seen him in the hallway before. Let’s go talk to him,” said Becky. Becky, in the red and blue cheerleading gear walked over to the guys after the game. “Wait, are you going to go up to him? He may not know who you are,” said Emily. “He might like me, you never know,” said Becky. As Becky walked over, her cell phone had a ringtone by Drake. It was not a call but gotten a text message. It was from one of her friends. Afterwards, she went over, saw Sam’s friends and then introduced herself. “Hey I am Becky, what’s your name?” Becky smiled. Sam introduced himself to Becky. “Hey, what’s up? I’m Sam.” “I'm Juan.” Juan looked to Mel to speak. “I’m Mel.” Mel smiled. Sam watched the cheerleading performance and was impressed. All the twists and turns in the air. “Wow, you guys did a great job!” said Sam with starry eyes. “Thanks!” said Becky. Sam couldn’t wait to get to know more about Becky. Becky brought over Emily to meet the guys. “This is Emily, my best friend,” said Becky. “Hi guys,” said Emily. Emily had auburn sleek hair and a nose ring. Becky had dark black curly hair and a slim fit waist. The cheerleaders were having another game before their final one next week. “Me and the guys are going to the arcade and get pizza, want to join us?” asked Sam. “Why not,” answered Becky. “Yes,” answered Emily. “Let me change.” The guys drove with Sam, Becky and Emily got to the arcade to play games. Sam and Becky took turns playing pinball. “Oh, I miss that ball, let me shoot it again,” said Sam. Sam kept trying to make a basket when he made it in finally. “Let me try and see if I can beat you,” said Becky. After four games, between Becky and Sam, Sam had won. Juan, Mel, and Emily went off to play separate games to give Becky and Sam alone time. “You want to get some pizza and a drink?” asked Sam. “Sure. I want pepperoni and sausage.” Becky got the kind she wanted, and Sam ordered his favorite, supreme. It was getting to be 11 on Friday night and everyone left for home. Sam gave Becky his number to call him the next day. So, they can talk more. The next day, Becky came over to Sam’s house. “So, what did you think of the arcade game from last night?” Becky asked Sam. “I thought it was awesome,” said Sam. Sam invited Becky and Emily to take a road trip with his friends to Chicago. “My friends and I, are taking a trip to Chicago. You and your friend Emily should come with us too! What do you say?” Sam said. “Yes, I’m down, let me see if Emily wants to go with us.” Becky went to go ask Emily about the trip. Sam was developing a crush on Becky and after hanging out, he knew he liked her. Sam took the courage and asked her out. “Will you go out with me?” asked Sam. “I have to say that you stole my heart and I really like you too. So, yes. I would go out with you,” Becky finally answered him.

Fort Wayne Pride 2019

Fort Wayne Pride was a lot of fun this year. I said last year it was my best Pride yet but this year tops that. It really was all about love and spreading love all around was what I felt. I have accepted and will always love Daniel all the time. This Pride, it made me love Daniel all over again and accept the Real Daniel than I ever have before. Pride really helped me become more social and looking back at going to Pride five years, it surely has helped me. This year, I truly came out of my shell, which I don’t normally do. Pride is about yourself, and others who come to Pride accept all sexual orientations. You have to live your truth. I live in my truth, which I am a strong, proud, black Gay Man in the United States in Fort Wayne, Indiana. Fort Wayne is where I am born and raised. It was very nice to see everyone who I am friends with building up old and new friendships. I knew my friends and the Pride committee for a while and wish the Fort Wayne Pride committee to continue putting together more Gay Pride festivals for years to come. Seeing every young and old faces and beautiful human beings enjoying themselves it really was all worth it. So, that in itself was what made Fort Wayne Pride what it was. What I remember most about attending Fort Wayne Pride was embracing hugs from loving human beings who are from the churches in Fort Wayne, being recognize for all my efforts of being a positive role model for being Autistic and serving my community and my first book, My Voice: Faced with Autism. I was interviewed about my first book for Ally. TV, a local LGBTQ tv news show all about LGBTQ entertainment in Indianapolis and also was featured on Downtown Fort Wayne Instagram online, made me happy. I was very proud to have been a part of the celebration of Fort Wayne Pride this year.

Welcome back Post!

It's been a while since I have post and really have been trying to actively post more often. Just going to keep it short and say I am glad to be writing again and continue blogging.

My Thoughts on Working at a fast pace job with a disability

My Thoughts on working at a fast pace job with a disability The job experience working with a disability have been very difficult. I can say this first hand because I have overcome the ups and downs of working in a fast pace job environment. It is very competitive and very demanding. I can say it has been very hard after 2 jobs in almost 2 or 3 in a half years. The jobs didn’t cater to human beings with disabilities. I have as a person with Autism and mental illness, I have been overlooked what kind of job(s) I can do. I feel that working like I have been have kept me from being accepted in this world. It is sad and complicated that I know I do not feel accepted with my mental illness. These 2 or 3 in a half years of working really changed my life. I was not fully prepared what work was on my own. In my life, I consider working with my dad as a job, which he sold incenses and cut lawns. That was a business he had. It still has me wondering what work would be like without working with someone. My dad taught me the important lesson of working for myself. I took it as that I don’t work for just anyone, but find my work to do. I always was amazed how much my dad worked half of his life before he gave up working for the “white man” he called it. He really wanted me to work for myself and feel proud of my hard work. My dad is still my inspiration to this day from me working hard. I felt like all my life, I did not let Autism or any mental illness keep me from anything. I try so hard to not be hard on myself working when I do. I like to feel a sense of pride that all I can do is my very best. That is what I always have lived by…my very best. It helps me to ask questions when I need it and perform my duties at work. Autism sometimes kept me hidden for a long time when I finally accepted myself. It is very hard to battle a disorder that you cannot help. The challenges of working with a disability is rough for me. There were days that I did not know how I was going to get through with work. It got me through each day as a new start to complete my work. I can truly say that I have made it over jobs that kept me from giving up in the beginning. Now, looking back, I should have more time to really understand the real deal of work. It does take the dedication and effort doing the work. My first job experience happened for an interview, back in October 2015. I first applied at Taco Bell. I went in confident and knew I would get the job. I didn’t realize it would be very fast paced and emulous with the work. There were employees there that I never met and started to get to know. There was an orientation, which included tests and I had to pass them. I had the help with a job coach. I had passed the quizzes and exams to be a “food champion.” My job as a “food champion” was preparing food items, thermalize food ingredients (cold and hot). I thermalize the nacho cheese and beef. It was all packed and ready to be cooked at a certain degree. I clean, wash dishes and that was about it. Oh, I also took out the garbage for my shift. All of that made the time go fast at work. Mind you, this was my first job and I was being trained what I had to do. I was working twenty-twenty-five hours a week at Taco Bell and had to make sure I was not going over the amount of hours to work. It was part time, the job and it was working out for a few months. I started work officially, November 16, 2015. I had been working the Taco Bell close by my apartment, in Canterbury Green, for six or seven months. I did felt the pressure to work on days where the work got to me. I felt that I was the only one working that dealt with my mental illness. Luckily, I had a team of employees that helped me get along with work. Some of the employees or workers were not able to always help me. We had to work at a pace where food had to be sold fast. We had to get the orders made right and there was no mess ups. We were all humans and got orders wrong sometimes. I know I was capable to mess up. My job was in the back, working to make the food taste and look great. The days I worked was in the beginning early afternoons to late evenings. I could not work mornings or late nights because of my benefits. That was my downfall as the reason for me working now. I cannot work over certain amount of hours or my benefits will be deducted. It is very important that I continue to work at 15-20 hours a week. It would be terrible for me to lose my benefits. So, I continue to work at Taco Bell and after a while, I just did not get supported entirely. I found that job on my own and soon, I received help from a company with Benchmark and a job coach. I was deeply disappointed and let down. I had enough and finally quit after sometime. I felt that I was not praised for my hard work. I had every right to walk away from the job and quit. It took me a while to let the job go but I can say that it was well worth it. It took me about six months to regroup and work again. I caution myself to be warned what I was getting into working. It became so much for me to learn so much work at Taco Bell over six months. I started working again in January 2017, now this recent job I had worked me twenty hours or varies. I was working twenty hours a week; six hours a day on two or four days a week. This job was at the Memorial Coliseum. I was a utility worker which I was a dishwasher. I hand wash the dishes and put them away. Usually, I would be in more than one space making sure the kitchen was neat. This job was the most stressful because it was a company…a million-dollar company at that. The pay is good and raises every week. The first couple of days I got lost in the Coliseum. It is a big place and many entrances. Again, the job is lasting a couple of months or less weeks. I just tried it to see if I wanted to work. I have many regrets, there was also a position which I applied but was not available at the time. I had regrets taking the position, but at the same time, I gone far because I went through it. God helped me get through it but I step out of my comfort zone. I know when I get to apply for jobs…I know that my experiences working will matter. It will be more job experience for me. Next time, I will be more open to finding a job that will work with my hours, my talents, my goals, and creativity. God helped me through it all and I can say that I will not be rushed finding a job. I will take my time and really evaluate the job with the right energy, commitment, and being engaged (or that means the same thing.) Anyone reading this, if you have a disabilit(es) or mental illness, don’t let work or anything stop you. It just means WE must fight a little bit harder to be apart of the growing work population. WE, with mental illness matter in the work society. WE have a voice that can change how our boss and employers’ minds see how we work. WE can’t work less than other workers or we will feel less comfortable on the job. I say this because WE all with mental illness are not alone!!!

Model, Music, or Love

The long night recording an aspiring artist in the studio was hard work. This male record producer Deontae “Deon” Brooks cued up a track for his new, young artist, Cybil Jackson. She was recording a single for her EP. “Okay, let’s turn it up!” yelled Deon. “Okay,” said Cybil from inside the recording booth. Deon sat at his mixing board adjusting the levels of the track and Cybil’s vocals. Cybil adjusted her headphones and began to sing. She’d grown up singing gospel in church but was now an R&B and Pop artist exclusively. Don’t Even Bother Why do you say you don’t bother me?!It doesn’t matter if you never gonna be with meThen why the hell you not speaking to meYou ain’t gonna see me doing badly.When you don’t see me doing anything then you want to come back when you want me.You know what you don’t bother meThen you can’t be with me you won’t be with meWhen you act like you ever love meWhy you got to bother me because you don’t speak to meYou don’t have the words to say them to meDon’t even bother I give all my heart to youYou said you never loved me Deontae “Deon” Brooks stops the music and turns on his mic to the recording booth. “When you get to a low note, get there but go to a higher pitch to match the lyrics. You are angry in your song so you want to go there. You don’t want to take no more shit from the guy. You’re getting all your anger out,” explained Deon. “Okay,” said Cybil. Deon started up the track and sat back in his chair listening with his eyes closed. He cracked a smile and nodded his head rhythmically. She was finally getting it.Don’t even bother!I give all my heart to youYou said you never loved meDon’t even bother! “That’s it! Yell at that guy when you caught him doing wrong,” exclaimed Deon. It was after 2:30 A.M. by the time they finished. Cybil came out of the booth yawning and sat next to Deon. “I think we got it. Once I’m done mixing it, I’ll hit you up so you can check out the final version,” said Deon. “Sweet! Thanks for all your help,” said Cybil. “Hey, not a problem,” said Deon. Deon turned off all the equipment in his makeshift studio and walked to his bedroom. He’d renting office space downtown to do his music but he couldn’t afford the rent after he lost his job as an IT technician. He’d been out of work for almost a year and was starting to feel the pressure financially but he was determined make his music generate money for him. He went to his drawer and pulled out his pajamas and bike riding attire for the next morning. He was a biking fanatic. He rode twice a day, every day. Sean had seen the effect that of lack of exercise had on his parents and was determined to not let it happen to him. Deon went to the bathroom, stripped down and hopped into the shower. When the water hit his 5”9, dark-skinned, muscular, African-American frame, he let out a sigh and turned his face up to the spray. He closed his brown eyes as the water hit his low faded haircut and dripped off his neatly trimmed mini goatee. He finished his shower, wrapped a large blue towel around his waist and headed to the kitchen. He grabbed a glass from the cabinet, two beers from the fridge and sat at the table. He poured a can into the glass and finished it in a few big gulps. He cracked open the second and sipped straight from the can. He hated sleeping alone and drinking helped to keep him from thinking about the empty bed that was waiting on him. He really wanted to be with someone but he was done settling immature types who played silly games.Deon went to his room and slide under the covers over his head hoping the beer would make him drowsy. He thought about this handsome black guy who would drive past him while he biked. He would smile at Deon but he never stopped. The guy reminded Sean of Tyson Beckford except he had a low cut fade. Deon drifted off to sleep with a smile on his face. Deon got up around 11 AM, showered and threw on his Nike Athletic shirt, blue shorts, and running shoes. He grabbed his bike from the hallway and headed to the park. While he was taking a water break, a tall, muscular dark skinned guy jogged passed him and smiled. Deon had never met him before, but wanted to get to know him. The stranger stopped, turned around and trotted back to Deon. “Hi, my name is Derrick. What’s your name?”“I’m Deon, man. I’ve seen you jog past by me every day when I run.” Derrick checked Deon out his body. “Yep, I want to holla at you sometime other than here.” “Cool, give me your number and I’ll hit you up.” “Alright.” Deon rattled off his number while Derrick punched the digits into his phone. “Cool. I’ll give you a ring,” said Derrick as he slid his phone into his pocket. ”I look forward to it,” said Deon as he started riding a way. Later that afternoon, Deon sat in his studio. He was restless with anticipation. He looked at his phone while drumming his fingers lightly on the edge of his mixing board. A barely eaten turkey sandwich sat next to him on a stool. Deon had tried to work on a new track but his mind was busy thinking about Derrick. The phone finally rang and Deon snatched it up and put it to his ear. “What’s up, man? What’s going on with you?” asked Derrick. “I’m good got this studio up and running. Making a track,” Deon waited to hear what more Derrick think about today. “That’s what I like to hear. Seriously, man, I have to be honest. There is just something I like about you I don’t know how to explain it yet.” Derrick mentioned. “I guess when we meet up again you can tell me.” Deon interested to know more about Derrick. “Why don’t you come over today and I will.” Derrick said made it sound humorous. “Cool. See you in about thirty minutes?” “Sounds good. See you in a bit.” Deon straightened his place up a bit while he waited on Derrick to arrive. He checks his fridge and was glad to see that it well stocked with beer and other drinks. The doorbell rang and Deon went and opened it and let Derrick in. “You made it,” said Deon. Derrick looked around Deon’s house and nodded his head in approval. “So, I see you don’t speak too much?” asked Deon. “I do, but you just got to get me to talk more,” answered Derrick. “Yes, I will,” agreed Deon. “Are you charming me with your words? I must say that since we ran into each other while we ran, I really like you a lot,” said Derrick. Deon smiled a minute. “Why now?” asked Deon. “I couldn’t say that to you before,” answered Derrick. “Why do you sit down and I’ll make something to drink,” said Deon. Deon moved the papers off his couch. Deon walked in the kitchen to get a soda. He came back in the room and Derrick got his own soda. Deon took Derrick on a tour to his studio upstairs. “I like the studio, how much did this all cost to build or set up?” asked Derrick. “Around $375,000 dollars,” answered Deon. “Wow, you must be rich,” said Derrick. “Yeah, but I’m far from that,” said Deon. Derrick sat at the soundboard where the technical gears for music and he tried the different buttons. “What are these entire switch gears do to help the singer while their singing?” asked Derrick. “Do you mean how I produce them while they sing?” asked Deon.“Yes, that’s what I’m asking,” Derrick said. Deon pointed to the recording booth. “All you do is while they sing, you would cue the sound, the audio and you would hear them sing through that booth.” Deon taught Derrick what was there to produce a song. Derrick was somewhat catching on what Deon showed him. He never had been in a recording studio and Derrick was so fascinated by what a studio was like in an actual studio. "I will be glad to show you more the next time you come over,” said Deon. “Yes, that would be a good idea,” said Derrick. Deon and Derrick went out the door. “Why do you come over for dinner tomorrow and we can talk some more,” said Deon. “Yeah, that would be great. I’m free tomorrow,” said Derrick. “Okay great, well see you tomorrow at six,” said Deon. “Okay, bye-bye,” said Derrick. “Bye,” said Deon. Deon shuts the door as Derrick left.